The May short story or poem is to be a humorous story or poem about a cat or cats. It can be fiction or non-fiction.

May is halfway through ...... No funny stories to share? Anyone?

I think it has been a rough month (or two) for most of us.....

Hi Margaret. I did write a story but I didn't know if it would be right for this. My sister asked me to write a story for her grandkids about Kitkat and her dog Hunter.

Kitkat’s Dog
By Cindy Zydzik


Kitkat sat staring out the big patio doors. Fall had come to her part of the world and she was content. The hot days were over and the cool breeze coming in thru the screen ruffled her fur in a pleasant way. Being a female feline in a house full of humans could be a trial at times, but she was willing to look past that for the companionship they gave her. She sat in the patch of sunlight and reflected on her life. The house she was in was fairly new to her since her humans had just moved in a few months ago. But she had put her mark in her secret places to make it hers. Her boy, Spike, had his room set up just the way she liked it with special spots for her. Her other humans, Bonnie and Rick took good care of her. There was food in her dish when she demanded it and someone would always turn the faucet on in the bathroom when she wanted a drink of water. So, life was good, she was content and the sunshine was making her drowsy.

Kitkat knew the end of the day was near because the sun was cooling off. Her nap and been good, but now it was time to stretch and wake up. The human girl, Bonnie was due to be home from wherever she went during the daytime, napping hours. Come to think of it, wasn’t she just a little late. And the boy, Spike, was gone too. Now this could be a problem. Her food dish was empty and no one was around to feed her. And what’s more, she was feeling a little thirsty. Oh, sure, they was water in her dish, but she wanted water straight from the faucet. Now maybe she was getting just a little irate and might not purr for them when they got back. They had so little to do in life besides taking care of her that she couldn’t believe they would forget it was time for her dinner. She gave a mighty yawn and a good, bone cracking stretch and thought of ways to pay them back. When Spike picked her up to love on her, she would just growl at him. And when Bonnie put her fresh can of food out for her, she would pretend that it wasn’t the flavor she wanted that day. And to top it all off, she would just use the litter box and give them something to think about. Yes, that sounded like an excellent plan.

Kitkat heard the sound of the car she was familiar with. She had her plan all set to go. She would show them who was boss in this house. She got up slowly and set to washing the sleep out of her eyes. The first one in the door was Spike. He was talking kind of fast and Kitkat only heard every third word or so. One word stuck out over the others. Did he say puppy? No, she must have heard wrong. Then she heard Bonnie before she saw her. She heard her call out to something named Hunter. It sounded like “Hunter, wait. Kitkat doesn’t know about you yet”. Okay, what, exactly was a Hunter. Suddenly a smell filled the room and every hair on Kitkat’s back stood up. It was a dog smell. That was impossible. Kitkat didn’t have a dog. But dog smell it was.

Suddenly, out of the blue, this gray, black streak came into the room and headed straight for Kitkat. Oh good grief, it WAS a puppy. Kitkat was NOT having a puppy in her house. Didn’t Bonnie know how long it took her to train these humans? Now she had to train a puppy! Well, this just wasn’t going to happen. She got up on all four feet and made her fur as big as she could. She hissed and growled. She unsheathed every single claw she had. And still that stupid puppy was coming at her. It came to a skidding halt right in front of her. Well, it tried to come to a halt. But someone had forgotten to tell Rick and Bonnie that putting in hard wood floors was just a little hard to stop on for a puppy. He started to slide and a look of panic came into his eyes. But it was nothing compare to the panic in Kitkat’s eyes. This sliding, panting piece of fur ball came crashing right into her. They rolled in a ball together, both of them trying their best to get a purchase on the floor that wouldn’t give an inch. Kitkat finally came to a halt when her back was against the patio window. She scrambled to her feet just as the puppy did. They stared at each other until Kitkat finally realized that she had been knocked over by a puppy. A puppy that was the lowest life form on the face of the earth! She did what she thought was best…She screamed in all of her feline glory. Even Bonnie and Spike came to a halt in the process of grabbing the puppy. This just wasn’t good. But Hunter didn’t care if a mere cat was upset with him. This was a living creature and all living creatures wanted to play with a puppy. He reached out with a paw that he had a long way to grow into. The trouble was, he didn’t know just how big his paw was or how heavy it was. He rolled Kitkat on her back and that was just more than this feline was willing to take. It was time to show this mongrel whose house this was. She grew to twice her size and tried to attack this mutt. Trouble was the hardwood floors again. She just slid when she tried to launch herself and ended up under Hunter’s belly. Where he promptly sat on her.

Her dignity bruised, her vanity in question, Kitkat decided the best course of action was to get as far away from this thing as she could. She ran to her haven, Spike’s room and proceeded to clean puppy drool off of her fur. What a horrible taste that left in her mouth. She should go out in the other room and demand someone turn the faucet on for her to get rid of this foul taste, but that would be more than her dignity could bear. Just as she decided she could stand the taste in her mouth without throwing up, the puppy came charging into her room…the one place that was hers alone. He jumped on the bed and tried to lick her. Bonnie was right behind him to try to stop him and Spike was yelling from the front room that Hunter had found Kitkat and Rick was in the kitchen saying someone should stop that puppy before he got hurt. Now that was the first piece of common sense Kitkat had heard all night! Total chaos erupted as Kitkat let loose with all the feline fury pent up inside her. Too bad Bonnie got to the puppy before Kitkat did. She was prepared to flay him with every claw in her body and throw in a few teeth for good measure. And still that darn dog was panting with pleasure. This was going to be war.

And war it was. For the first month, Kitkat did nothing but hiss and growl every time this puppy came near her. She did her best to let him know this was her castle and she was the queen. But every attack was met with a happy puppy smile and a few licks and an invitation to play. Hunter wasn’t about to give up on a grumpy cat. He knew things would be just fine if she only gave him a chance. So he did what any self-respecting puppy would do. He waited till she was asleep and crawled up next to her for a snuggle. Every good dog knew that cats like to be warm and with all his puppy fur, he was warm. At first, Kitkat moved away and wanted nothing to do with this. But slowly, so slowly, she came to realize that it felt so good to have all this warm all around her. Her bones melted into the puppy fur in her sleep and she sighed often over how good it felt. But she made a secret pact with herself. She must never let Bonnie, Rick or Spike see her like this. She must always show them how superior she was to a dog. No matter how much she wanted to play or snuggle, this must always take place in secret. When the lights went out at night, when the house was quiet, when all the humans were sleeping, Kitkat would give a soft meow to invite Hunter out of the bedroom where he slept. They tried their best to be quiet and play softly, but Hunter always seemed to knock some thing over and a light would go on. Kitkat would let her fur puff up and give a good hiss and growl to let whomever got out of bed know that whatever broke, it was Hunter’s fault. The humans weren’t believing this though. Wasn’t it just last night that one of them snuck out of their rooms and saw Hunter and Kitkat snuggled up together on the couch? And didn’t Spike catch them playing together one day when Kitkat thought everyone was gone for the day?

Kitkat thought over her options about all of this and came to the conclusion that Hunter wasn’t such a bad animal even if he wasn’t a cat. Maybe, in time, Kitkat would even forgive him for being a dog. But for now, she would retrain her humans. She must never let them think she forgave them for bringing a puppy in the house. She must keep acting mad because as long as they thought she was mad, they would buy her her favorite cat food and treats and toys. The catnip she loved came out more often and they catered to her every need more often. Yes, thought Kitkat, this could work very well in a cat’s favor!!

Oooooh what a cute story!!!!!! Thanks Cindy!!! I just haven't had time to do anything with school and work and trying to keep the house running and paying the bills and stuff.... I have homework from last TUESDAY that is due by THIS COMING THURSDAY and I just don't have time to get to it!!!! We've been working around the house like fiends over the past two weekends and we're still not done! Both Sundays we have had company (Dave just left moments ago this weekend) and I'm exhausted. It's 5:50 p.m. and I could aready go to bed and pass out for the night I'm so tired....but I can't...... I have to stay up so that I can put Sam's food out when it gets dark outside. I don't want to put it out this early or it will get all hard and crusty..... he doesn't need that. I wish I had time to write something..... but keeping up with the forum is about the extent of it for me for a while.

Cindy - you really should write a book! Another great story that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Great story, Cindy! Maybe the topic can be changed. Your story was humorous in parts, though.

My Big Day Outside
By Ranger


Dear Aunt Wisa,

I had a big day today. I got to go outside.

I’ve been trying to tell daddy that, now that I am a big cat and not a little kitten any more, that I want to go outside. Daddy has not let me go outside since I came to live with him. I stand at the screen door when daddy opens the other door to let the air in and meow, meow and meow, but Daddy does not seem to understand. He keeps on telling me that I am too little to go out.

Daddy takes Missy out every day. She is my big doggy sister. I don’t know why she can go out and I can’t. Well, I finally had enough of that – and I found a way to go outside.

This morning, when daddy was getting ready to go to church (he does not take me there either!), I jumped up on the window behind daddy’s bed. I pushed real hard on the screen, and it came out. It was a big jump down – almost 5 feet, but I landed in the soft grass.

Well, then daddy came out of the bathroom and saw the window. Aunt Wisa, I heard daddy say a bad word when he was by the window. He called all my brothers – they were sleeping in the living room. He ran upstairs and looked where I sleep when I want to get away from my brothers and sister. He can back down stairs and, I heard him say another bad word by the window.

I decided that I should go and hide from daddy. I thought it would be a fun game – like when I place chase with my brothers. So, I went to the shed where daddy keeps the firewood. I like firewood, because daddy puts it into the stove and it keeps me warm when it is cold.

Well, daddy is pretty smart; he came out to the woodshed, too. I was climbing on the wood when I saw him and I ran right out the door. I ran outside and climbed up on the deck. Daddy came out of the woodshed and was shaking my treat box. Daddy did not look too happy, so I thought it best to keep away from him for a little while more. I ran all the way around to the front of the house and climbed to the little landing by the front door.

There is a little window by the front door that daddy keeps open all the time. Sometimes, I can hear bugs by the screen so I try to catch them – but daddy put a puppy proof screen there. Well, it’s puppy proof, but it is not kitty proof!

Missy was at the window. She told me that daddy would be really angry with me if I did not get in right now. I know to listen to Missy, because she always tells me the truth. So, here comes daddy around the corner of the house, shaking the treat box. Missy tells me to get in right away – what is a cat to do?

Well, I pushed and pushed really hard on the screen and I popped it all the way inside the house. I jumped in and ran under the bed!

Daddy came in and fixed the screen. He then came into see me in the bedroom.

I though he was going to be mad at me, but he gave me one of my treats – the one with catnip in it. I like the catnip treat best of all!

Daddy walked away saying something about calling his card-ie-olo-gist and got ready for church. He also closed the window in his bedroom.

Well, that was my big day outside. It did not last long, but it was fun. I like to tease daddy!

Ranger
Kitten, first class


PS: Ranger wrote this letter to his Aunt about a year ago

Ranger,

You are my hero! I didn't even make to the woodshed, but I heard my Mommy say all sorts of things that made me blush! I wasn't scared or nothin, but she acted all worried and was leaking water from her eyes. I didn't want to come in but some idiot with a big light was following me all over the yard, so I finally got tired of it and went on the back porch!

It sounds like your trip was much more fun than mine was, but I've been checking for more escape routes - they can't keep me caged forever!

I did manage to knock the screen out of the bedroom window last week but Mommy heard me and caught me as I was making my escape. That window hasn't been opened since, but one day......